For my mum.

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me yet I could not understand why.

I kept on crying which I rarely do.

I looked at flights to go home.

I craved english movies and to see England.

I was dreadfully homesick.

I listened to melancholy CD's and I had a need to be surrounded by good friends and family.

My daughter reminded me that it was the 2nd anniversary of my mum's death.

I was then filled with guilt as my memory had not registered it, yet my body was totally there.

So I have decided to wrote this post to my mum who I still miss terribly every day.

Dear Mum,

Where are you?

I need you even though I am supposedly grown up...I still really need you.

Lots has happened this year and daft as it sounds I look for signs that you are around me, watching and advising.

If I see sun rays struggling through dense black crowds...I know its you trying to inspire me.

I saw two rainbows, one above the other last week and thought of you.

You will be pleased to know the garden is looking a little better this year.

The monster sweater that I made for number 3 is complete yet he will not wear it! The brat!

Lots of injuries, broken bones and stitches for the children this year.......I still reach for the phone to call you.

I'm fed up of feeling foreign and having people imitate my accent and words....ignoramous folk!

This is the year of change some sad and some hopeful things.

I've had a change in career...not too sure it's the one for me.... I know "wait & see!"

I'm planning on going home this year so I can see your "plot" as I have not been home since your funeral.

I'm nervous to go because of all the feelings and emotions that will flood me, yet I feel this compulsive need to be there.

The recession is still lunging forward and Sir L's job seems to be on the chopping line every so often.......I know "wait & see."

You have a new grand daughter en route in the UK who you will never get to hold...we will tell her all about you.

Yes, the good and the bad.....hee hee!

Ahh where do I start with the kids??

Number 1 is growing up, great grades, great sports person, school dances....... There is a litle flutter/flirt going on with my best friends son.......you would just love it.

We needed a dress, heels etc for a dance...not my cup of tea! We needed your dress sense advise. we missed you.

Number 2 my sociable one. Good grades...could be better..he's a little lazy & chatty.. Where did he get that gene from? Excelent athlete excels in most sports. I wish you could watch him at basketball, you would be so proud.

Number 3 my cuddler and baby.Way to old for his years being around older children. Great sense of humour...the class clown apparently. good grades and fast runner...still issues with the asthma. Hopefully he will grow out of it. He has a great energy around him you would love it.

My poor beautiful Molly has Lime disease...she is ok just on antibiotics.

I wonder when the hurt & pain gets easier.....

I have waves of it...does that mean I'm healing?

Did I ever let you know how much I loved you?

Or how much I needed you?

I love you mum, more than ever.

Come back!!!